A Time When My World Changed (version 2)

I was zipping my red gown and sliding on my shimmering gloves,
I float down to the sunroom.
You’ve set up a fancy tea party setting.
You gave me water and set yourself with coffee.
We even had those little snacks.
You really went all out to make me happy.
These thoughts choke me later when I say I don’t want to eat dinner with you.
I’m sorry.
I know you understand, you are too forgiving.
Remember when you surprised me Christmas morning that one year?
We played that video game until it was fried because Daddy was working.
I won every time.
And I remember how crazy I was.
I thank you for putting up with me.
That must have taken a lot out of you.
But this was all a few years ago.
I have grown more now.
I’m dating now.
And driving.
I’ll even be getting a job soon.
You wouldn’t believe what I found a few weeks ago!
A letter you had sent me a long time ago.
When we decided to be pen pals, even though we lived only a few blocks away.
I couldn’t help but laugh.
You always know how to make me smile.
But walking into the building sent my stomach plummeting to the floor.
I was in my only dress and painful heels.
I suffered through all that just for you.
I sat down and looked at your picture.
Then people began talking about you.
And I couldn’t stop the tears from flooding my eyes.
So you’re asking me when my world changed?
Well that’s easy.
The day I lost my best friend.
My hero.
My grandmother.
Forever.



Do you think it has good fluency?
Do you think I worded things well?
I'm a bit worried that I told instead of showed.
Any other comments you want to tell me?
Thank you!